FlasshePoint

Life, Minutiae, Toys, Irrational Phobias, Peeves, Fiber

I’m A Bad Friend

Posted on | August 8, 2005 at 8:33 pm | 5 Comments

Yes, I’m a bad friend. All my friends out there know it. I do heinous things to you every day. There’s no other explanation for my behavior. It’s not because I’m slighting you or disrepecting you, it’s just the way that I am. Okay, maybe I’m disrepecting you a little bit, but that’s just because you deserve it. And why do I think you deserve it? Because I’m a bad friend. Still unsure about how bad a friend I am? Check out this checklist:

  • I make you try sushi against your objections, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I don’t respond to your e-mails right away, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I intentionally mispronounce the word “Chipotle” in front of you, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I make jokes about burning down your better-than-mine home theater, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I refuse to lend you money, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I badmouth Richard Dean Anderson of Stargate SG-1, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I don’t laugh at your inane jokes, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I refuse to hang out with you at a bar I don’t like, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I do business with your competitor instead of you, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I spoil the current episode of Six Feet Under (or some other show) for you, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I encourage you to get up off your butt and do things, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I make fun of the way you drive, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I refuse to listen to that one song, watch that one movie or TV show, or read that one book you really, really like, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I disagree with, or refuse to listen to, your opinions on politics, religion or sports, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I prefer not to be around you when you’ve been drinking too much, because I’m a bad friend.
  • I refuse to shave my hairy chest, because I’m a bad friend.

That’s just scratching the surface. I’m sure a poll would reveal even more bad friend behavior. Really, I don’t know why you people even put up with me.

Next up: I’m a bad co-worker
After that: I’m a bad relative

Latre.

Comments

5 Responses to “I’m A Bad Friend”

  1. Joe
    August 9th, 2005 @ 12:05 am

    You have a hairy chest? No, really?

  2. InfK
    August 9th, 2005 @ 1:21 am

    Maybe you’re a bad blogger ‘cos you post while drunk?

    Or maybe you just have a huge self-imposed structure of funny notions about what “friend” means. But I’m thinking it’s the first one.

    (Hey, remember that time you visited me in the hospital and didn’t bring a bottle, keg, or even a pizza?)

  3. Alan
    August 9th, 2005 @ 7:47 am

    I think the chest thing belongs in the “I’m a bad lover” category.

  4. Flasshe
    August 9th, 2005 @ 7:59 am

    Ben, there was no drinking involved with this post. And actually, I did bring a keg, but Security confiscated it.

  5. me
    August 9th, 2005 @ 10:47 am

    hairy chest…i can’t fathom it!!! eerrrkkk…now i will not be able to look you in the eye next time i see you….
    here’s one ya forgot…
    “I give you reallly old outdated issues of entertainment weekly’s because IM a bad friend”…..hee hee heee heee mwahahahahahahahahaha…

    good psot rog..im guessing why….

Comments are closed.