Life, Minutiae, Toys, Irrational Phobias, Peeves, Fiber

My Superpower

Posted on | December 29, 2005 at 3:08 pm | 9 Comments

I’ve finally had a revelation about what my superpower is. It took being on vacation and sleeping in every morning to figure it out. Here it is… (wait for it)… I always know what time it is.

The Maxx vs. AlarmClock I assume that most of the people in the world are like me and have to get up in the middle of the night to make a bathroom run. (You really don’t want to hold it in – that can be unhealthy.) Well, when I have to go to work the next morning, or have the alarm set for some other reason, I avoid looking at the clock when I make the run. I don’t want to get bummed out by seeing that the alarm is going to go off in a half hour or whenever. I can get back to sleep easier if I don’t know for sure. However, that doesn’t stop me for speculating what time it is. What I have learned recently is that my speculating is always right, within 15 minutes or so. The past few nights, I’ve made guesses as to what time it was, and then I would look at the clock and I would be very close. For example, this morning I thought “It feels like 4:30″. I looked at the clock and it was 4:29. It’s not like I would know because my body automatically wakes me up to go to the bathroom at the same time every night – that happens any time from midnight to 6am.

So then came the greater realization that even during the day I usually have a really good idea what time it is at all times. Really, I don’t know why I even wear a watch, much less an Atomic one that sets itself automatically from NIST in Ft Collins.

This probably seems like a pretty useless superpower. But think about it, how many superheroes have you actually seen wear watches? Does Batman ever look at his wrist and say Holy Crap! I was supposed to meet the cable installer at the Batcave a half hour ago! No, you don’t ever see that. Where would Wonder Woman even wear a watch? She’s got those huge bullet-deflecting bracelets on her wrists. Most heroes wear long sleeve costumes with gloves, and you gotta admit that a watch would look pretty dorky on the outside of those sleeves. Remember how in all those 60s comics, The Flash’s alter ego Barry Allen was always late for dates with his fiancé Iris (irony – ha ha)? It wasn’t because he was stupid – it was because he couldn’t wear a watch. If he did, he’d have to find somewhere to ditch it once he put on that Flash costume.

So, I think I could be of a lot of use to the Justice League. Consider this exchange:
Green Lantern: “We better wrap up this fight with Dr. Light. We’re supposed to stop an erupting volcano at 6:30.”
Aquaman (staring at fin coming out of his wrist where watch should be): “What time is it anyway? Has this fight gone on too long?”
Green Lantern (making a huge green sundial out of his power ring energy): “Does anybody know how to read this thing?”
Superman: “Wonder Woman might know – I think they use these things on Paradise Island. Too bad she’s off lassoing some terrorists with Jack Bauer.”
(Then I show up triumphantly on the scene.)
JLA: “Accurate Time Man!!”
Me: “Yes, it is I. I am here to tell you that it is 6:20! If you want to stop that volcano and save the city, you must finish up your fight with Dr. Light quickly!”
Black Canary: “Thank you, Accurate Time Man! I love you!”
Me: “No prob.”

So there you have it. I could be off saving the world, but instead I’m trying to figure out how to eat pomegranates.

So what’s your superpower?



9 Responses to “My Superpower”

  1. Sue
    December 29th, 2005 @ 5:24 pm

    Why no new “Exposing the Golden Years” today? Why? WHY???

  2. Flasshe
    December 29th, 2005 @ 7:13 pm

    The column that appeared in the paper today was the Woolworth one that was on the site last week. Perhaps they’re playing catch-up…

    Or maybe… no, I don’t want to think the worst.

  3. Janet
    December 29th, 2005 @ 7:58 pm

    Hey, does that superpower come with the bonus add-on power of always being on time too? Man, if we only had one such superhero in my household.

  4. Flasshe
    December 29th, 2005 @ 8:06 pm

    Well, it means I’m always fashionably late. Oh, who am I fooling? I’m always on time.

    Janet, you have kids. That means you won’t be on time again for about 15 years.

  5. 2fs
    December 29th, 2005 @ 10:18 pm

    Oh yeah? What time will it be five hours after Amy L. reads this? Huh? Where’s your “superpower” now, big man? (Sorry: carryover from that earlier message elsewhere…)

  6. Flasshe
    December 29th, 2005 @ 10:40 pm

    Hey, I never said I could tell what the time will be in the future, just what time it is now.

  7. InfK
    December 30th, 2005 @ 12:59 pm

    The ability to get back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night would, for me, count as a superpower.

  8. 2fs
    December 30th, 2005 @ 7:56 pm

    Okay, Rog: what time is it now?

  9. Flasshe
    December 30th, 2005 @ 9:06 pm

    It’s time I kicked your pasty behind, Fs! Too bad this superpower doesn’t help much with that.

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