Cloven Goofs
Posted on | November 30, 2005 at 8:05 am | 2 Comments
Warning: I’m going to talk about a dream I had this morning. I don’t care if hearing about other people’s dreams is boring or inconsequential or inappropriate or obscene, so listen up, dear readers. In this dream, I had just been hired by satirical newspaper The Onion. Actually, I think I was an unpaid intern, but that’s irrelevant. The first assignment for the new hires was to do something funny about cloves. Pretty much, I know cloves only from their pungent smell, from Indian cuisine, and from them sticking out of the sides of hams on holidays. They wanted something visual, like a filmed skit. Either The Onion was trying to branch out into TV, or I was really working for a competitor of The Onion. I don’t recall and it’s irrelevant.
Anyway, my idea was to do a commercial from the “Clove Council of America” touting cloves as the new spice of choice among discerning American diners. And not just the ground cloves, but the actual whole cloves, which look like tiny rusted railroad spikes. (My theory is that I had this dream because last night’s Amazing Race featured a challenge involving railroad spikes – the mind works in wonderful and mysterious ways. But that’s irrelevant.) In this commercial, some poor sap would be dressed up like a giant clove. He would be displaying a modified salt shaker, with very large holes on top, filled with whole cloves. Dinner tables would be shown with the clove shaker right next to the salt and pepper shakers, and kids would be enthusiastically dumping the stuff on their eggs and chicken. The staff liked my idea and looked like they were actually going to try to produce it, though finding a clove costume was tough and they were going to make me wear it.
Then I started talking to my boss, who was impressed that I could tell him what albums were released on his birthday five years ago. (I can’t really do that in real life, but it’s irrelevant.) I told him a Guns and Roses album was released on that day, and he agreed, though we all know that’s a load of hooey. Wasn’t the last GnR album like 20 years ago? Then I woke up.
Thanks for listening. I had to get that off my chest. So… what other funny things can one do with cloves?
Latre.
Comments
2 Responses to “Cloven Goofs”
November 30th, 2005 @ 2:07 pm
Cloves repel redheads. Also: there was (is?) a stalled Onion movie – so maybe you’re not that out to lunch. At least not because of that part of the dream.
November 30th, 2005 @ 10:58 pm
That’s irrelevant.