Please Stop Telling Me How Great Costco Is
Posted on | August 25, 2008 at 7:22 am | 10 Comments
Pet Peeve of the Day: Proselytizing about Costco.
Enough, already. I believe you! Costco is obviously the greatest store in the world! They have everything under the sun for fantastic prices. Their food is to die for. Yes, yes, I know. I don’t think I’ve ever set foot in one, but your description definitely lets me know what I’m missing out on. However, I prefer not to pay the membership fee, and go out of my neighborhood for my shopping, and to buy bulk amounts of things that I don’t have the room to store and may never use all of anyway.
I know that the pre-made appetizers, desserts and meals that they have there are the best on the planet, because you and everyone else I know has brought some to parties that I’ve attended. Yes, their seafood, including the wonderful crab legs and lobsters, are the freshest and cheapest you can get outside of a coastal city. Yes, I’m sure that the transmission overhaul they did on your car was faster and cheaper than any dealer or local mechanic could’ve done, and now it changes gears as smoothly as a squirrel climbs a tree. Yes, you’ve told me again and again how the Xanax you buy at Costco is so much more potent than the Xanax from the local pharmacy. Yes, the chair massage you received while your kids where in Costco Daycare just melted all that tension away (tension caused by those very same kids making the dog throw up in your minivan, which the Costco Car Detailing Technicians promptly cleaned up). And the Hawaiian vacation you booked through Costco was no doubt the best vacation of your life. But all that doesn’t mean I can’t get along with availing myself of those goods and services elsewhere.
I’m beginning to suspect from the way that you talk about Costco, there’s some kind of Orgasm Machine in the back room that long-time cultists members are allowed to use on their shopping trips. Sometimes I think that’s the only possible explanation for your undying devotion to this monolithic warehouse. Yes, I know that one of your children was born in the cereal aisle at Costco, helped along by the Costco Medical Staff, but that doesn’t mean I want to get my ingrown toenail treated there.
Instead of telling me how great Costco is, why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to lately? And I don’t mean I want to hear about the gambling addict support group that you’ve been attending at Costco on Tuesday nights. Tell me about some good meals you had at local restaurants, instead of whatever it was you fried up last night that you got from Costco. Tell me about some of the interesting extracurricular things your kids have been up to, and not about how good their grades are at Costco Elementary School.
So… you stop telling me about how great Costco is, and I’ll stop talking about all the problems I have at Safeway. Deal? Deal.
Latre.
Jogged Today: Yes (@ 61°F)
Songs That Came Up On The iPod While Jogging:
- “Rock’n Roll” (The Sounds)
- “Heros in June” (Echobelly)
- “The Red Baron” (Game Theory)
- “1934″ (The Connells)
- “Introduction by Young Tom” (Dandy Warhols)
- “I Still Remember” (Bloc Party)
- “Hang on to Your Ego” (Frank Black)
- “Last Second of the Minute” (The Wonder Stuff)
Videogame(s) Played Yesterday: None.
Comments
10 Responses to “Please Stop Telling Me How Great Costco Is”
August 25th, 2008 @ 9:01 am
I’d be interested to know who this blog post is aimed at. I hated Costco so much that I let our membership lapse. The reason it’s so cheap is that they hire two check-out clerks and you have to wait in line for 45 minutes to buy anything. And I tried going at ALL HOURS of the day so don’t tell me it’s deserted on Tuesday afternoons at 4:30 PM, because it isn’t. Phooey. Plus they only carry 1 brand of everything, so if you’d rather have, say, Tropicana orange juice than Minute Maid you’re S.O.L.
August 25th, 2008 @ 9:11 am
I’d be interested to know who this blog post is aimed at.
No one in particular – I just throw them out there and see who bits.
Actually, it’s aimed at everyone I know who shops at Costco, which is quite a few people.
August 25th, 2008 @ 9:53 am
What you really need to try is the couscous at the Cuzco Costco.
August 25th, 2008 @ 11:11 am
What’s Costco?
August 25th, 2008 @ 11:59 am
Janet, there’s one eight miles from you. Time to load up on some Minute Maid.
August 25th, 2008 @ 1:48 pm
But I like reading about your Safeway experiences. Except for Creepy Bran Obsessed Dude. He scares me.
You just reminded me that my Costco membership expired. I need to renew it so I can get my ingrown toenail fixed and then head for that machine in the back for elite members….
Certain (cheap) people we both used to work with kept expired Costco cards around just to walk through and ogle the merchandise after enjoying THE BEST PIZZA IN THE WORLD FOR ONLY $3.75!!!! Actually, it was some lesser amount that they knew by heart and always went with exact change.
Bet you’ll never guess who I’m yammering on about.
August 25th, 2008 @ 2:11 pm
Did one of them have the initials “MM”?
August 25th, 2008 @ 2:22 pm
MM, LB, and SV!
August 25th, 2008 @ 3:04 pm
Ah! The Trifecta of Frugality!
August 25th, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
The food is meh and way too much. But the gas is always at least a dime a gallon cheaper. I save at least two bucks on every fill-up. Yahoo!